i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
