my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
