She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
