I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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