I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
