i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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