This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
