We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize