Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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