Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
