i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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