whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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