oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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