This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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