i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
