Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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