Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
