She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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