lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
