your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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