I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
