its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
