Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
