I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
