I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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