they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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