My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
