Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
