I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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