just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
