sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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