Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
