I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
