He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
party gras won. party gras always wins.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
