i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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