dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
