I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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