dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
