I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
