Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
