seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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