Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
