i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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