You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
