my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
i think i just lost a toe
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