I just cut my nipple shaving
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
