YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
