He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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