R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
