I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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