Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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