And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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