Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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