A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
