there's paper in my vomit.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
