I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
