hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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