I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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