i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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