my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
