false alarm. still invincible.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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