If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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