sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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