My first STD was from a foam party
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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