Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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