Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize