I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
