I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i came on her dog
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
