shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
