: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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