Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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