Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
