Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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