I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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