why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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