Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
