Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize