My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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