mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
