Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
