last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize