This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
