i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
