Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
