in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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