Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
